Before you have an argument with your boss you should take a good look at both sides—his side and the outside.
Humor
The story is told of a woman who was bitten by a mad dog. It looked as if she was going to die of rabies, so the doctor told her she should make her will. Taking her pen and paper she began to write; in fact she wrote and wrote. Finally the doctor said, “That is surely a long will you’re making.”
She snorted, “Will nothing! I’m making a list of all the people I’m going to bite!”
Source: Unknown
While checking his bags at the airport, a man became indignant with the employee who handled luggage. For several minutes he belittled the young man and criticized his every move. Surprisingly, the curbside porter didn’t seem troubled by this man’s verbal abuse. After the angry man entered the airport, a woman approached the luggage handler and asked, “How do you put up with such injustice?”
The young man said, “It’s easy. That guy’s going to New York, but I’m sending his bags to Brazil.”
Source: Unknown
President Wilson once received a call in the middle of the night from a civil servant who informed him that one of his appointees had just died.
The caller said, “While I’m sure we are all saddened by this news, I would like to know if I can take his place.” There was a pause at the other end of the line before the president replied, “It’s all right with me, if it’s all right with the undertaker.”
Source: Business Wit & Wisdom, Richard S. Zera
A woman was trying to get ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
Source: Unknown
An elderly couple was beginning to forget little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders.
My twelve-year-old daughter asked me, “Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project.”
I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created. The title of their project was “The oldest thing in my house.”
Source: Reader’s Digest, January, 2003
An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died.
He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie—his favorite kind—his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
“Why,” he whispered, “why did you do that?”
You know you’re getting older when in the morning you hear snap, crackly, pop, and it isn’t your breakfast cereal.
Source: Unknown
In reference to old age, Bob Hope would say, “My ankles creak, my knees crack, my ears ring, and my stomach gurgles. I’m not getting older, I’m getting noisier.”
Source: Bits & Pieces, November 2003
A 4-year-old was fascinated by the various appliances that some of the elderly used—canes, walkers, wheelchairs. One day her mother found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. The mother braced herself for the inevitable question that was to come. Instead, her daughter turned and whispered: “The tooth fairy is never going to believe this!”
Source: Unknown
A man stopped to watch a Little League baseball game. He asked one of the youngsters what the score was. ”We’re losing 18-0,” was the answer.
“Well,” said the man. ”I must say you don’t look discouraged.”
“Discouraged?” the boy said puzzled. ”Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t come to bat yet.”
Source: Unknown
One dear lady was not a cook, but the family decided that after many years, they should eat at home for Thanksgiving. She said, “I’ve cooked this turkey for the first time and I’m gonna bring it to the table. If it’s not good, don’t say a word. If it’s not good, there will be no negative comments, we’ll just go to a restaurant and have a meal.” So, she went to the kitchen to get the turkey, only to come into the dining room to see her husband and son at the table with hat and coat on.
Source: Unknown
Sonya Thomas beat men four times her size in an eating contest. Ms. Thomas, who weighed 106 pounds, defeated 400-pound runners-up Ed “Cookie” Jarvis and Eric “Badlands” Booker in New York’s Thanksgiving Invitational by downing 7 3/4 pounds of holiday food in 12 minutes. After the event Ms. Thomas said, “I’m full, but I could eat more.”
Source: World Magazine, December, 13, 2003
The story is told of a man who smoked cigarettes. Through the reading of numerous articles he became alarmed about the strong relationship between smoking and lung cancer. He finally confided in a friend: “I’ve been reading so many articles about smoking and lung cancer that I’ve decided to quit reading.”
Source: Unknown
One of England’s most exclusive grocery stores, Fortnum & Mason in London’s Piccadilly, advertised for a new chocolate taster, including a salary of $54,000 a year. This dream job consisted of traveling the world, sampling as much chocolate as possible, and selecting the very best for the store’s discerning customers.