Two brothers, ages 8 and 4, were discussing Adam and Eve. The eight-year-old asked: “How did Adam and Eve die?” And the four-year-old said: “They ate bad fruit.”
Humor
There was once a pastor who had a five-year-old daughter. The little girl noticed that every time her dad stood behind the pulpit, and was getting ready to preach, he would bow his head for a moment before he began to preach. The little girl noticed that he did this every time. So one day after the service the little girl went to her dad and asked him, “Why do you bow your head right before you preach your sermon?”
“Well, honey,” the preacher answered, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, and we shall fight in the hills.” It sounds exactly like our family vacation.
Source: Unknown
A husband was coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital. His wife was sitting at his bedside, when his eyes fluttered open he said, “You are beautiful.” Flattered, the wife continued the vigil. Later he woke up again and said, “You’re cute!”
“What happened to beautiful?” She asked.
“The drugs are wearing off,” the husband replied.
Source: Unknown
First-grader Melanie had announced that she was engaged to marry the young gentleman next door, but the engagement was broken abruptly. When she was asked about it she said, “Well, he just isn’t ready for marriage yet. And besides that, he scribbled in my coloring book.”
Source: Unknown
A woman returned home from a holiday shopping spree with her arms loaded with packages. Her husband met her at the door and said, “What did you buy? With prices as high as they are, I’ll bet you spent a fortune. I hate to think what has happened to our nest egg.”
“I’ll tell you what happened to our nest egg,” his wife said defensively as she began to put her packages on the dining room table. “The old hen got tired of sitting on it.”
Source: Unknown
In one Peanuts cartoon Lucy says to Charlie Brown, “I hate everything. I hate everybody. I hate the whole wide world!”
Charlie says, “But I thought you had inner peace.”
Lucy replies, “I do have inner peace. But I still have outer obnoxiousness.”
Source: Unknown
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy!
“Grandpa,” the child asked, “what year were you born?”
“In 1937,” the grandfather replied.
“Wow!” exclaimed the grandson. “If you were a baseball card, you would be worth lots of money!”
Source: Unknown
A turtle once wanted to spend the winter in Florida, but he knew he could never walk that far. He convinced a couple of geese to help him, each taking one end of a piece of rope, while he clamped his vise-like jaws in the center.
The flight went fine until someone on the ground looked up in admiration and asked, “Who in the world thought of that?”
Unable to resist the chance to take credit, the turtle opened his mouth to shout, “I did.”
A little boy named Brian had asked his parents repeatedly for a watch. He had asked for a watch so many times that his parents forbade him to ask again. That night at dinner, he was asked to pray for the meal. He said, “Before I pray, I’d like to quote a verse:Mark 13:37 ‘And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.’”
Source: Unknown
For years Frank’s wife begged him to take her hunting. He put her off as long as he could; finally, he gave in. They went to a place where bucks were likely to be found. He placed her where she could get a good shot at any deer that came along, and he trudged through the underbrush to another location about a half-mile away. Before he could get into position he heard two shots. “Oh no!” he thought, “If she gets a deer before me I’ll never live it down.” Then he heard his wife screaming, “Now, step back.