Two brothers, ages 8 and 4, were discussing Adam and Eve. The eight-year-old
asked: “How did Adam and Eve die?” And the four-year-old said: “They ate bad
fruit.”
There was once a pastor who
had a five-year-old daughter. The little girl noticed that every time her
dad stood behind the pulpit, and was getting ready to preach, he would bow his
head for a moment before he began to preach. The little girl noticed that he
did this every time. So one day after the service the little girl went to her
dad and asked him, “Why do you bow your head right before you preach your
sermon?”
“Well, honey,” the preacher answered, “I’m asking the Lord to help me
preach a good sermon.”
Like a lot of married men, I got the “You just
don’t appreciate me” speech. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger
King and Dairy Queen for dessert. She’s never mentioned it since.
Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal
words: “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, and we shall fight in the
hills.” It sounds exactly like our family vacation.
A
husband was coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital.
His wife was sitting at his bedside, when his eyes fluttered open he said, “You are beautiful.” Flattered, the wife continued the vigil. Later
he woke up again and said, “You’re cute!”
First-grader Melanie had announced that she was
engaged to marry the young gentleman next door, but the engagement was broken
abruptly. When she was asked about it she said, “Well, he just isn’t ready for marriage
yet. And besides that, he scribbled in my coloring book.”
A woman returned home from a holiday shopping
spree with her arms loaded with packages. Her husband met her at the door and said,
“What did you buy? With prices as high as they are, I’ll bet you spent a
fortune. I hate to think what has happened to our nest egg.”
“I’ll tell you
what happened to our nest egg,” his wife said defensively as she began to put
her packages on the dining room table. “The old hen got tired of sitting on
it.”
A turtle once wanted to spend the winter in Florida, but
he knew he could never walk that far. He convinced a couple of geese to help
him, each taking one end of a piece of rope, while he clamped his vise-like
jaws in the center.
The flight went fine until someone on the ground looked up
in admiration and asked, “Who in the world thought of that?”
Unable to resist the chance to
take credit, the turtle opened his mouth to shout, “I did.”
One child wrote a letter to Santa which read, “Dear Santa, you did not bring me
anything good last year. You did not bring me anything good the year before
that. This is your last chance. Signed, Alfred.”
A little boy named Brian had asked
his parents repeatedly for a watch. He had asked for a watch so many times that
his parents forbade him to ask again. That night at dinner, he was asked to
pray for the meal. He said, “Before I pray, I’d like to quote a verse:Mark 13:37‘And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.’”
For years Frank’s wife begged him to take her
hunting. He put her off as long as he could; finally, he gave in. They went to
a place where bucks were likely to be found. He placed her where she could get
a good shot at any deer that came along, and he trudged through the underbrush
to another location about a half-mile away. Before he could get into position
he heard two shots. “Oh no!” he thought, “If she gets a deer before me I’ll
never live it down.” Then he heard his wife screaming, “Now, step back.
