A safari hunter was startled by the loud screeching of a bird. When he caught sight of the bird, it was darting back and forth around its nest. He was perplexed by all the racket until he noticed a huge snake moving up the tree. The hunter could have easily aided the bird with one shot from his gun, but he was captivated by the drama before him. As the snake slithered up the tree, the bird became silent and flew from the nest. It now seemed as though the snake would dine without resistance. But, before the reptile could reach the nest, the mother bird returned with a leaf in her beak.
Dr. Paul Chappell
The pyramids of Egypt are famous because they contained the mummified bodies of ancient Egyptian kings. Westminster Abbey in London is renowned, because in it rests the bodies of English nobles and notables. Mohammad's tomb is noted for the stone coffin and the bones it contains. The Taj Majal was built as a memorial to a wife of one of India’s Shahs. Arlington cemetery in Washington, D.C., is revered, for it is the honored resting place of many outstanding Americans. The garden tomb of Jesus is famous not because of what is inside, but because it is empty!
A woman wrote J. Vernon McGee, “Our preacher said that on Easter Jesus just swooned on the cross, and the disciples nursed him back to health. What do you think?”
McGee replied, “Dear Sister, beat your preacher with a leather whip for thirty-nine heavy strokes. Nail him to a cross. Hang him in the sun for six hours. Run a spear through his heart. Embalm him. Put him in an airless tomb for three days. Then see what happens.”—Source Unknown
Cots can be made available for those who say Sunday is their only day to sleep.
Eye drops can be supplied for those who have red eyes from watching late Saturday night TV shows.
Steel helmets can be provided for those who say the roof would cave in if they ever went to church, blankets for people who think the church is too cold, fans for those who say it is too hot, scorecards for those wishing to list all the hypocrites present, TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and also cook dinner.
Harriet Frye watched as her four-year-old granddaughter handed a small Easter basket of candy eggs to her grandfather. Crystal then climbed up into her grandpa’s lap, looked into his eyes, and very seriously said, “Friends share.”
Source: The Best of Grandparents' Brag Board, Pregel and Riley
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian church, the Baptist church, the Methodist church, and the Catholic church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day,the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.
After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no recognized days for their religion as other religions did. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed.' ” The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling saying, “Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, etc.
I heard of a man who attended church one week and become increasingly agitated with the message. On the way out he stopped to speak to the Pastor. He said, “You really have to do something about your sermons. You speak about the same topic every time I am here.” The preacher said, “You only come on Easter Sunday.”—Source Unknown
One year when Christmas Day fell on a Sunday, a farmer decided to go to church. (Like some people, he thought he was fulfilling his religious obligation by going to church twice a year—at Christmas and Easter!) The sermon that day was preached from the text, “The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider” (Is. 1:3). Isaiah is saying that man is dumber than the animals. After church the farmer returned home and stood among his cows.
It was Easter Sunday, 1973. Uganda groaned under the terror of Idi Amin. Still fresh in young Pastor Kefa Sempangi’s memory was a face burned beyond recognition, the sight of soldiers cruelly beating a man, and the horrible sound of boots crushing bones—all for the crime of being a Christian. But Easter of 1973 Pastor Sempangi bravely and openly preached on the risen Lord in his town’s football stadium to over 7,000 people. After the service, five of Idi Amin’s Secret Police followed Sempangi back to his church and closed the door behind them.
A young man came to his boss and asked for the day off to attend his grandmother's funeral. His boss said, “Sure.”
The next day the young man was talking to his boss. The boss said, “Do you believe in resurrection from the dead?”
Young man, “Yes.”
“Interesting, because after you left work yesterday, your grandmother came to visit you!”—Source Unknown
McKenzie wasn’t trying to start a theological debate, she just wanted to make a point about Jesus’ resurrection. Her Sunday school teacher had tried to encourage her class with the assurance that Jesus is everywhere. But for McKenzie, that didn’t sound right. So she said, “I know one place where Jesus isn’t.” The teacher curiously replied, “Oh, really? Where is that?”
A New York Times article on people who are sick of too many hours at work tells the story of Diane Knorr, a former dot—com executive: “The first time I got a call way after hours from a senior manager, I remember being really flattered and thinking, wow! I'm really getting up there now.” But gradually, her work and family life became a blur with hours that were hard to scale back. “If I leave at 5:00 and everyone else leaves at 6:30, I might look like the one who is not pulling his weight,” she said. In college, Mrs.
1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.
2. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.
5. Of the remaining 33% of deaths, 32% occur in hospitals. Above all, avoid hospitals.
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children all answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?” Again the answer was, “NO!”
“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?” I asked them again. Once more they all answered,“NO!”
One man challenged another to an all-day wood chopping contest. The challenger worked very hard, stopping only for a brief lunch break. The other man had a leisurely lunch and took several breaks during the day. At the end of the day, the challenger was surprised and annoyed to find that the other fellow had chopped substantially more wood than he had. “I don't get it,” he said. “Every time I checked, you were taking a rest, yet you chopped more wood than I did.”