Children

”A father gave his little girl two dollars and said, “You can do anything you want with one of the dollars, but the other dollar belongs to God.”

With joy she ran to the candy store. On the way she tripped and one dollar fell into the storm drain. She got up and said, “Well Lord, there goes Your dollar.”

Source: Unknown

The story is told of a young girl who accepted Christ as her Saviour and applied for membership in a local church. “Were you a sinner before you received the Lord Jesus into your life?” inquired an old deacon. “Yes, sir,” she replied.

“Well, are you still a sinner?”

“To tell you the truth, I feel I’m a greater sinner than ever.”

“Then what real change have you experienced?”

The late Colonel Sanders (of Kentucky Fried Chicken) was on an airplane when an infant screamed and would not stop even though the mother and flight attendants tried every trick they could think of. Finally the Colonel asked if he could hold the baby. He gently rocked it to sleep. Later a passenger said, “We all appreciate what you did for us.”

Colonel Sanders replied, “I didn’t do it for us, I did it for the baby.”

Source: Using Humor for Effective Business Speaking, Gene Perret

The story is told about a little boy who had been invited to a friend’s birthday party. He was so excited and started counting the days until the party. But the morning of the party he was devastated when he found that a blizzard had struck their little town. The snow was falling in wet, heavy flakes, and the wind was howling. “I don’t think you should go to the party,” his father said. The little boy was so disappointed.

A young boy traveling by airplane to visit his grandparents sat beside a man who happened to be a seminary professor. The boy was reading a Sunday school take-home paper, and the professor thought he would have some fun with the lad. “Young man,” said the professor, “if you can tell me something God can do, I will give you a big, shiny apple.” The boy thought for a moment and then replied, “Mister, if you can tell me something God can’t do, I’ll give you a whole barrel of apples!”

Source: Unknown

A middle school teacher asked her class to write imaginative definitions of a friend. These were the descriptions she received:

“A friend is a pair of open arms in a society of armless people.”

“A friend is a warm bedroll on a cold and frosty night.”

“A friend is a mug of hot coffee on a damp cloudy day.”

“A friend is a beautiful orchard in the middle of the desert.”

“A friend is a hot bath after you have walked 20 miles on a dusty road.”

Source: Unknown

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

One little tike’s apparent misunderstanding of the term broken home prompted this admonition from his father: “I don’t care if the basement wall is cracking. Please stop telling everyone you come from a broken home.”

Source: Unknown

4 years of age: My mommy can do anything!

8 years of age: My mom knows a whole lot!

12 years of age: My mother doesn’t really know quite everything.

14 years of age: Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that either.

16 years of age: Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 years of age: That old woman? She’s way out of date!

25 years of age: Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 years of age: Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.

45 years of age: I wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

President Abraham Lincoln once summoned an Army surgeon to the White House. The major assumed that he was to be commended for some exceptional work. During the conversation Mr. Lincoln asked the major about his widowed mother. “She is doing fine,” he responded.

“How do you know?” asked Lincoln. “You haven’t written her, but she has written me.” Lincoln continued, “She thinks that you are dead, and she is asking that a special effort be made to return your body.”

Mrs. Jones relaxed by reading her Bible each day. After observing this habit for several years, her 4-year-old daughter asked, “Aren’t you ever going to get finished reading that book?”

Source: 1001 Quotes, Illustrations, and Humorous Stories for Preachers, Teachers, and Writers, Edward K. Rowell

A mother took her young son shopping. After a day in the stores, a clerk handed the little boy a lollipop. “What do you say?” the mother said to the boy, to which he replied, “Charge it!”

Source: Unknown

There were 5.6 million stay-at-home mothers in 2006.

Somewhere between 61 percent and 81 percent of children under the age of six eat breakfast and dinner with their mother every single day.

Source: U. S. Census Bureau

A teacher asked a boy this question: “Suppose your mother baked a pie and there were seven of you—your parents and five children. What part of the pie would you get?”

“A sixth,” replied the boy.

“I’m afraid you don’t know your fractions,” said the teacher. “Remember, there are seven of you.”

“Yes, teacher,” said the boy, “but you don’t know my mother. Mother would say she didn’t want any pie.”

Source: Unknown

A teacher asked a little boy, “Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say your prayers before you eat?”

Johnny replied, “I don't have to, my mom is a good cook!”

Source: Unknown

Two sisters were playing together when eight-year-old Martha insisted that they play school. Five-year-old Jenny wasn’t the least bit interested in thinking about school, but the older sister wouldn’t take “No” for an answer. Finally, little Jenny conceded and said, “OK, I’ll play.” She then added, “Mark me absent!”

Unfortunately, that is the attitude many Christians have towards church attendance.

Source: Unknown

A man and his five-year old son were driving past a cemetery and noticed a large pile of dirt next to a freshly dug grave when the little boy said, “Look, Dad, one got out!”

Next time you drive past a cemetery, think of the One Whom the grave could not hold.

Source: Unknown

This year’s annual Easter egg hunt in Colorado Springs, Colorado was canceled because of misbehaving parents last year. Many parents entered the roped-off area reserved for the children and helped them collect the eggs. This ended the hunt in seconds and left many children with no eggs.

Little Johnny was feeling queasy in church, so he whispered to his mom, “I think I’m going to throw up!” She told him, to go outside and throw up behind the bushes where no one would see him. So he bolted for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat, looking greatly relieved. “Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?”

“I didn’t have to. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: For the Sick.”

Source: Unknown

A little boy said, “Dad, did Grandpa make you go to Sunday school when you were my age?”

His father said, “He sure did. We went every Sunday.”

The boy said sadly, “Well, I bet it won’t do me any good either.”

It is not enough to just go to church. We must apply the Bible to our everyday lives.

Source: Unknown

Two deputies in Plain City, Utah pursued a seven-year old boy who was driving a Dodge Intrepid on Sunday, July 26, 2009. Preston Scarbrough reached a speed of forty miles per hour before finally pulling into his family’s driveway and running inside the house. He told his dad he got in the car and drove away because he did not want to go to church.

Source: FoxNews.com, Published July 31, 2009