Children

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday school presentation. His mother was in the front row to prompt him. She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Her son’s memory was blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.” the child beamed and with great feeling and a loud clear voice said, “My mother is the light of the world.”

Source: Unknown

A little girl was trying very hard to take care of her sick mother. She did everything to make her mom feel more comfortable in bed, then quietly slipped into the kitchen. She had seen her mother make hot tea for her father when he was sick, so she set out to do the same for her ailing mom. With cup and saucer in hand, she took the tea into the bedroom and her mother was touched by this sweet act of compassion. The mother showered her daughter with praise and then said, “I didn’t know you could make tea.”

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 

My mother taught me religion.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about time travel.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me logic.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

Here’s how several elementary school students answered the following questions about moms:

Why did God make mothers?
She’s the only one who knows where the Scotch tape is.
Mostly to clean the house.

How did God make mothers?
He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
Magic, plus superpowers and a lot of stirring.
God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

A little boy was sick on Palm Sunday and stayed home from church with his mother. His father returned from church holding a palm branch. The little boy was curious and asked, “Why do you have that palm branch, Dad?”

“You see, when Jesus came into town, everyone waved palm branches to honor Him, so we got palm branches today.”

The little boy replied, “The only Sunday I miss is the Sunday that Jesus shows up!”

Source: Unknown

As a man was driving his children to church on Easter Sunday, he was trying to explain that Easter was when we celebrate Jesus raising from the dead. From the back seat his three-year-old piped up, "Will He be in church today?"

Source: Unknown

Barbara Reed tried to get her 4-year-old granddaughter to eat lunch but she didn’t like any of the foods offered. Every time she encouraged her to try a different kind of food, Sabrina would reply, “No, thank you.” Barbara persisted until the little girl said, “Nana, my mama says, ‘No means no!’”

It would be good if many Christians realized that when God says, “No,” He means “No.”

Source: Unknown

A father was talking to his oldest son about the boy’s upcoming baptism. Wanting him to understand the significance of the event, he took great care to communicate with him. While they were talking, the boy’s younger brother, a little four-year-old, left the room. He seemed visibly upset so teh father followed him to see what was wrong. Tearfully, the little guy confessed, “I want to be alphabetized with my brother.”

Source: Unknown

Don’t let your mom brush your hair when she is mad at your dad.

If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.

You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.

You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.

Twelve is a lot older than eight.

One spring day, three-year-old Douglas helped his grandfather fertilize the lawn.

When the job was finished, Grandpa handed his grandson two quarters.

“Well, Douglas,” Grandpa said, looking at the lawn, “what do you think?”

Looking at the money in his hand, Douglas confidently replied, “I think it needs to be done again, Grandpa.”

Source: Unknown

After unwrapping all of his presents, a little boy was asked, “Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas?” He thought a moment and said, “No, but then, it’s not my birthday.”

Source: The Speaker’s Quote Book, Roy B. Zuck

One lovely moonlit night a grandfather and his small granddaughter went for a walk. The stars were magnificent. As the grandfather named individual stars and constellations, the granddaughter exclaimed, “Grandpa, if the bottom side of Heaven is this beautiful, just think how wonderful the top side must be.”

Source: Unknown

Some primary-aged children had “Show and Tell” in their class. The first boy said, “My name is Benjamin, and I am Jewish and this is the Star of David.” Next a little girl said, “My name is Mary, and I am Roman Catholic and this is a rosary.” Finally a little boy came to the front and said, “My name is Johnny, and I am a Baptist and this is a casserole.”

Source: Unknown

After the dedication of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally the boy replied, “That pastor said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

Source: Unknown

A young boy went to the local store with his mother. The shop owner, a kindly man, passed him a large jar of suckers and invited him to help himself to a handful. Uncharacteristically, the boy held back. So the shop owner pulled out a handful for him. When outside, the boy’s mother asked why he had suddenly been so shy and wouldn’t take a handful of suckers when offered. The boy replied, “Because his hand is much bigger than mine!”

Source: Unknown

A grandmother told her granddaughter, “Tomorrow, we’re going to Sunday school”

“I don’t like Sunday school,” said the granddaughter.

“We need to learn more about God,” replied the grandmother.

The granddaughter said, “I learned about Him last week.”

“I’ve been going to church all my life, and I haven’t learned enough,” said the grandmother.

The granddaughter replied, “Well, maybe you weren’t paying attention!”

Source: Unknown

Six—year—old Molly complained to her mother that her stomach hurt. Realizing it was almost lunch time, Mom told Molly, “Your stomach is empty, you’ll feel better after you put something in it.” Later that evening, the Pastor came over for a visit. During the conversation he mentioned he had headache. Molly piped up with a solution: “That’s because it’s empty. You’ll feel better when you put something in it.”

Source: Unknown

There was once a pastor who had a five-year-old daughter. The little girl noticed that every time her dad stood behind the pulpit, and was getting ready to preach, he would bow his head for a moment before he began to preach. The little girl noticed that he did this every time. So one day after the service the little girl went to her dad and asked him, “Why do you bow your head right before you preach your sermon?”

“Well, honey,” the preacher answered, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”

A little boy was standing at the end of an escalator. The sales lady asked, “Son are you lost?”

“No ma’am, I’m waiting for my chewing gum to come back.”

Source: Unknown