Children

First-grader Melanie had announced that she was engaged to marry the young gentleman next door, but the engagement was broken abruptly. When she was asked about it she said, “Well, he just isn’t ready for marriage yet. And besides that, he scribbled in my coloring book.”

Source: Unknown

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy!

“Grandpa,” the child asked, “what year were you born?”

“In 1937,” the grandfather replied.

“Wow!” exclaimed the grandson. “If you were a baseball card, you would be worth lots of money!”

Source: Unknown

The story is told of a king who was in his throne room, holding a council with his advisers, noblemen, and high ministers of state. Suddenly there was a bang and a clatter at the door of the throne room. All eyes turned as the door burst open and a young boy ran into the room.

One of the king’s royal guardsmen tried to stop the boy. “Hold there, lad!” he shouted. “Don’t you know you’re disturbing the council of the king?”

“He’s your king,” laughed the boy, “but he’s my Daddy!” And the boy bounced into the open arms of his father, the king.

A young boy, on an errand for his mother, had just bought a dozen eggs. Walking out of the store, he tripped and dropped the sack. All the eggs broke, and the sidewalk was a mess. The boy tried not to cry.

A few people gathered to see if he was okay and to tell him how sorry they were. In the midst of the words of pity, one man handed the boy a quarter.

Then he turned to the group and said, “I care twenty-five cents worth. How much do the rest of you care?”

Source: Unknown

One child wrote a letter to Santa which read, “Dear Santa, you did not bring me anything good last year. You did not bring me anything good the year before that. This is your last chance. Signed, Alfred.”

Source: Unknown

A little boy named Brian had asked his parents repeatedly for a watch. He had asked for a watch so many times that his parents forbade him to ask again. That night at dinner, he was asked to pray for the meal. He said, “Before I pray, I’d like to quote a verse:Mark 13:37 ‘And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.’”

Source: Unknown

A mother and her four-year-old daughter were preparing to retire for the night. The child was afraid of the dark, and the mother, on this occasion alone with the child, felt fearful also. When the light was out, the child caught a glimpse of the moon outside the window. “Mother,” she asked, “is the moon God’s light?”

“Yes,” said the mother.

The next question was, “Will God put out His light and go to sleep?”

The mother replied, “No, my child, God never goes to sleep.”

A young mother and her little boy were driving down the street. The little boy asked, “Mommy, why do the idiots only come out when Daddy drives?”

Source: Unknown

A woman was trying to get ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

Source: Unknown

In a Family Circus comic, Dolly once asked, “When will I be old enough to wish I was younger?”

Source: Unknown

My twelve-year-old daughter asked me, “Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project.”

I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created. The title of their project was “The oldest thing in my house.”

Source: Reader’s Digest, January, 2003

A 4-year-old was fascinated by the various appliances that some of the elderly used—canes, walkers, wheelchairs. One day her mother found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. The mother braced herself for the inevitable question that was to come. Instead, her daughter turned and whispered: “The tooth fairy is never going to believe this!”

Source: Unknown

A man stopped to watch a Little League baseball game. He asked one of the youngsters what the score was. ”We’re losing 18-0,” was the answer.

“Well,” said the man. ”I must say you don’t look discouraged.”

“Discouraged?” the boy said puzzled. ”Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t come to bat yet.”

Source: Unknown

A family went out for lunch and wanted dessert. The waiter brought pie and ice cream to a little boy who said, “Thank you!” She said, “Oh, I love to hear thank you!”

The boy replied, “Give me another scoop of ice cream and you’ll hear it again!”

Source: Unknown

Ariana came with her missionary parents to visit family in the United States. During their stateside assignment away from Brazil, someone asked Ariana if she wanted to be a missionary when she grew up. The 5-year-old stated, “I’m a missionary now. I want to be something else when I grow up!”

Source: Mature Living

A fifth grade boy who had heard a sermon on persistence in prayer was praying by himself in his room one night. As his dad passed his door, he heard the boy praying over and over again, “Tokyo, Tokyo, Tokyo.” The next day, the dad asked his son what he was doing. The boy replied that he had given the wrong answer on a test for the capital of Mexico, and he was praying that Tokyo would become the capital of Mexico.

Source: Unknown

A big-time sports fan was watching a football game with his grandchildren. He had just turned seventy-five and was feeling a little wistful. “You know,” he said to his grandson, Nick, “it’s not easy getting old. I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now.”

“Don’t worry, Grandpa,” Nick said cheerily. “Maybe you’ll go into overtime.”

Source: Unknown

A little girl received a watch and perfume for her birthday. She was so excited she pestered everyone all day to look at her watch and smell her perfume. At dinner her mother said, “Honey, I know you’re proud of your gifts, but please don’t mention them while we eat.”

All through dinner she sat silently although she sniffed audibly at times and often raised her wrist to listen to her watch. As the meal came to an end, she blurted out, “I’m not supposed to mention it, but if anyone hears anything or smells anything, it’s me.”

Source: Unknown

After two weeks of Pre-K, Linda Wilbanks’ 5-year-old grandson came home with a mighty big compliment. Nick told his grandmother that he was the smartest kid in the class. With a deep sense of pride, Linda asked him if that was what his teacher said. Nick replied, “No ma’am. I had to tell her.”

Source: Mature Living, April, 2007

After church, where she had been taught about the rapture, a little girl was quizzing her mother. “Mommy, do you believe Jesus will come back?”

“Yes.”

“Could He come today?”

“Yes.”

“In a few minutes?”

“Yes, dear.”

“Mommy, would you comb my hair?”

The doctrine of the immanency of the rapture should motivate us to be ready for it.

Source: Unknown