Church

Jonathan Whitfield was preaching to coal miners in England.

He asked one man, “What do you believe?”

“Well, I believe the same as the church.”

“And what does the church believe?”

“Well, they believe the same as me.”

Seeing he was getting nowhere, Whitfield said, “And what is it that you both believe?”

“Well, I suppose the same thing.”

Many Christians seem to know as much about what they believe as that coal miner.

Source: Unknown

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

A hunter raised his rifle and took careful aim at a large bear. When he was about to pull the trigger, the bear spoke in a soft soothing voice, “Isn’t it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let’s negotiate the matter.” Lowering his rifle, the hunter replied, “I want a fur coat.”

I heard of a man who attended church one week and become increasingly agitated with the message. On the way out he stopped to speak to the Pastor. He said, “You really have to do something about your sermons. You speak about the same topic every time I am here.” The preacher said, “You only come on Easter Sunday.”—Source Unknown

One year when Christmas Day fell on a Sunday, a farmer decided to go to church. (Like some people, he thought he was fulfilling his religious obligation by going to church twice a year—at Christmas and Easter!) The sermon that day was preached from the text, “The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider” (Is. 1:3). Isaiah is saying that man is dumber than the animals. After church the farmer returned home and stood among his cows.

1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.

2. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the home.

3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.

4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.

5. Of the remaining 33% of deaths, 32% occur in hospitals. Above all, avoid hospitals.

Have you ever heard the story about the man who became president for a day?

Does anybody know the name of the man who was president for a day?