Every healthy church has systems and structures, but what is sometimes overlooked by leaders is the necessity of nurtured relationships. Simply put, churches grow stronger when relationships grow deeper.
The early believers “continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship” (Acts 2:42). That word fellowship—koinonia in Greek—means sharing life together: participating, praying, serving, and encouraging one another in faith. True koinonia doesn’t happen by accident; it requires time, trust, and intentional love.
And one of the best places for those relationships to flourish is within the small groups of a local church. Whether you are a small group leader or a group member, you can invest in the relationships that help people grow.
Friendship: Be Present and Genuine
No matter the size of your church or small group, I believe that all people in it long to have a consistent friend who loves them, believes in them, and is continually there for them no matter the circumstances. Smaller groups naturally produce a less formal atmosphere, making them a tremendous place to foster friendships.
Often, the moments when a friend is most valued are the same moments that it is most inconvenient to be a present friend. Ask the Lord to guide you as you show up for others in ways that reflect Christ’s love.
Simple actions like remembering a prayer request and reaching out to follow up during the week or acknowledging birthdays can go a long way toward showing genuine care. A quick text to say, “I prayed for you today,” or a handwritten note after someone shares a burden, often means more than you know. Take time to sit with someone new at a church fellowship, send an encouraging verse before Sunday, or invite another family to join yours for lunch after church. When someone misses a group meeting, check in to let them know they’re missed. Even small gestures—dropping off a meal or celebrating answered prayer—build trust and communicate that relationships in your group are more than surface-level. Little acts of thoughtfulness grow lasting friendships.
Mentoring: Invite and Include Others
Every Christian can mentor. Mentoring happens when you simply invite others to join you in what you are already doing for the Lord. As you serve, go soulwinning, or participate in outreach, invite others along. People grow when they are included. You’ll be amazed at how relationships deepen when you make room for others to walk beside you in ministry.
A great rule for every small group leader or Christian who wants to invest in others to live by is this: “Don’t do something alone that you could be doing with someone from your group.” Look for ways to invest in others.
Are you wondering who to invite? Look around the next time your group meets and ask, “Who isn’t yet involved?” Who hasn’t joined weekly outreach, ministry, or group activities? Then walk over and personally invite that person to serve or come alongside you.
Edifying: Build Up, Don’t Tear Down
Choose to believe the best about people. Try to see them as they could be, not as they are. People are more apt to change when someone believes in them than when they are constantly corrected. I’ve often heard it said, “Acceptance is the optimum environment for growth.”
It’s true that there are difficult people. Perhaps you have heard of people who are EGRs—Extra Grace Required! But the truth is, God will give that extra grace. And if we’re honest, we all need extra grace from others at times too.
If you are a group leader, there will be times when valuing a relationship requires difficult conversations. When a problem or sin issue arises, you must confront it with wisdom. But you must also keep the relationship in mind with a goal of restoration. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness” (Galatians 6:1).
You can’t secretly look down on someone and build them up at the same time. Work to unconditionally love people. Of course, this is only possible through the strength of the Holy Spirit as we strive to be Christlike in our relationships.
Accountability: Encourage Growth with Grace
Friendship and encouragement are vital, but spiritual relationships also require accountability. Be aware of others’ attendance and consistency. Are you a friend who encourages spiritual growth in others? A faithful friend notices when someone is struggling and lovingly reaches out.
This is primarily a small-group leader’s responsibility, but anyone can encourage others to take their next step for Christ. Whether it’s baptism, joining the church, or serving in ministry, we can all lovingly challenge one another to grow in grace. “My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you” (Galatians 4:19).
Relationships that combine warmth with accountability help others take the next step in their walk with God.
Relationships That Reflect Christ
Healthy small groups need more than great programs and well-developed lessons; they need strong relationships. Friendship, mentoring, edifying, and accountability all reflect the koinonia of the early church. As you intentionally invest in these kinds of relationships, your small group will not only grow stronger but will also reflect the love and grace of Christ.
This article originally appeared in Issue 39 of the Baptist Voice. To read the full digital edition, click here.
